She often wondered if people were ready for her story yet, if they were ready to know about the flames. Not only was she hunted by those who wished to possess her and use her, but she was also a danger to herself. She told me that knowledge about her had been erased because of the dangers associated with her kind. I told her it was unlike anything anyone had ever read, that nobody knew about the flames. Half the time she told me she didn’t think anyone should see her story, that it was too horrible for public consumption. There was more she had shown me, more I wanted to write about her, but to say she was afraid of letting me write it is an understatement. I diligently wrote notes about her story and eventually I finished the first book which was all she ever asked me to accomplish.

I say helpless because there were always circumstances surrounding her destruction, she never meant to destroy anything. Her story was timeless and she always played the same part, the helpless destroyer. She filled up enough stuff in my mind to fill six books, even twelve books if I wanted to go that far.

Every time I sat down with Kaliel in the back of my mind and tried to write out her story, she would give me more. I kept at it, writing down the scenes she would give me and attempting to fill in the blanks for the rest of it. At the time it was a skeleton of a story, bits and pieces she allowed me to see without being able to form a full picture of it. She was more concerned with the story part of her story and how she felt about what had happened to her. I knew the end before I knew the beginning and the details of her peculiarity were left out of the mix. It took years to get her to open up to me and tell me about herself, but when she did it was as though I had tipped off an avalanche and her entire story came tumbling out at me. I saw her from behind so I didn’t know who she was at the time, but I wanted to talk to her. Snow white curly hair, knee length ivory dress, ivory slippers, pale skin. I replayed the scene in my mind over and over, memorizing the stunning whites she appeared in. She darted around a giant tree trunk and vanished. The first thing I clearly remember about her is a flash of her running through the forest. Kaliel originally came to me as a shy, fragile bird. Where do I begin with a girl that is a weapon? Even then, where do I begin with a character that took me years to get to know?

Surrender by Rhiannon Paille